Last summer, my friend Helen Lin and I sat down for a rare and calm moment of catching up, reflecting, and dreaming over breakfast. One thing Helen said to me then has stayed with me since: “You’re so picky!” We weren’t talking about my choice of breakfast. We were discussing my choices in the professional context, and I knew exactly what she meant by it – and in fact, I was grateful that she saw and acknowledged the efforts that go into the series of choices I've made in my life and work over the past decade plus.
The beginning of a new (calendar) year is often an opportunity to reflect on and rethink one’s choices, and in many cases, work and career. More recently, I’ve had some time to do this in a way that was dedicated and intentional, free of other deadlines and distractions. Whether you’re thinking about a new job, company, career, or simply wanting to stay present and intentional about where you are today, one of the most important first steps to be able to make disciplined and discerning decisions about your work and career is to be clear about what you want and need – and by what criteria you’d measure and prioritize them. These are some questions I’ve asked myself in the past that’s helped me crystalize what’s important to me:
What is the “job” my job is doing for me and my life? What role does it play and what do I need and want from it? I’m someone who takes great pride in my work, and work plays a big part in who I am as a person and how I experience joy and purpose in life. That said, I know by now that there is a difference between treating work like it’s everything vs. intentionally choosing to make it a meaningful part of your life; hence, starting with this contextualization helps me think about my job not as a self-contained and sealed corner, but a connected part and perhaps a means to something more meaningful in my life. For example, no one will dispute compensation matters for one when finding the right fit. But beyond compensation as a form of value exchange between you and your employer, being clear about what it means for you (livelihood for me and/or my family, savings, means to play and pleasure, access, etc) now and/or later is important. Learning or gaining skills is another potential criteria, as is some level of kinship with the people you’re working with. Draw up your own list of criteria and know why they matter to you (not why it matters in the eyes of others), why they matter to you now, and which ones matter more vs. others.
How would I measure it? What types of progress or outcomes would I like to see along the way, and by the time I’ve moved on? There’s no constant and hard “currency” that can be universally applied from one individual, job, or a company to another. The currency of your own values and priorities should be dictating how you’d measure these criteria. For compensation, there is always a number, but whether or not that is “enough” is a question for yourself based on where your life is and what your priorities are, and depending on the structure and composition of the compensation, your assessment might offer many different ways to think about the value realization on different timelines and scale. Same thing with learning criteria. At the macro level, there are certain skills and expertise that will be considered more valuable or critical, but which types of skills you think you might want to gain should be a criteria that’s defined by you, based on what you’ve done in the past vs. what you’d like to do next. As for kinship with your colleagues, maybe you’re an introvert or an extrovert, or somewhere in between, and need different things from people and relationships at work...so how do you assess and measure that in the potential culture of the company? What might look like a great job on paper for most people might not be the best job for you right now, or if it is, you should know that based on your own criteria.
What’s changed since the last time I’ve visited these questions, in my life and/or work? How would that change (or not) my priorities? Since no one’s job or work exists in a vacuum, it’s important to remember that the same set of criteria or priorities might not work for you depending on other factors that could influence you and the world around you. Maybe you’re in a different stage of life (single, in and out of a relationship, situationship, kids, pets, empty nesting, supporting parents, etc etc), maybe the industry you’ve been in is facing some headwind, maybe there are geopolitical shifts in the region you call home. The changes could be minuscule and temporary, or much more meaningful and permanent, not to mention, you may not be the same exact person yourself as the last time you considered these questions. Allow yourself these spaces to mentally bungee back and forth, from your past to your present to the future, from reflection to imagination, taking stock of what’s been working and what’s not and why. The best outcome could be a complete pivot, or staying exactly where you are today and doing your best, but doing so intentionally and with clear reasons.
If needed, with whom can I have a conversation to think through this more clearly? This is where the power of the network comes in first, not just with your first interview prep or the email to ask for an introduction to a potential opportunity. Just as in life, work and career is a series of conversations, too. Look to the left, right, around and ahead to take note of people who might have gone through different phases of life and work you’re about to embark on, whether that is a job change, promotion, demotion, reduction in force, changing industries, starting your own business, etc etc. Ask them about how they thought about these decisions, what they’ve learned, and who else might be helpful for you. Look for peers – and I don’t mean just people who are in a similar career trajectory or stage – who might be contemplating or working on similar questions themselves. Being singular and clear about your own thinking first means when you participate in these community conversations, you can listen, discern, and learn more clearly vs. being swayed by other people’s criteria and priorities. Seeking meaningful progress and growth is a universally shared experience. Why and why now, and what that should look like for you should be uniquely your own.
So as Helen said, yes I am picky, and being picky has served me well. But being picky isn’t about acting like I’m too good for this or that, or being unreasonable, inflexible, or close-minded. It’s about knowing myself well enough to be able to say “not now or not for me, but thank you” to others so that I can preserve my time and energy to the things I say “yes let’s” to be able to engage open-minded and wholeheartedly in exploring things with the biggest potential for fit. It’s about discipline and discernment – one might even say, a distinct taste in how we choose to move about the world in this one precious and incredible life.